Happy new year everyone! 2021 is among us and I hope this year is amazing. I decided to write about the 30 things I’ve learnt over the last decade, instead of what I learnt in 2020 because this is more interesting.
Lessons for myself
Show up as your higher self daily, if you want your life to change:
Old habits are like old keys, they only open old doors. You can’t start a new life with your old ways.
If you do not want to find a solution to your problem, then stop complaining about it:
There’s no point complaining about a problem if you’re not going to find a solution to it. There’s also no point finding solutions if you’re not going to act on them. You’ll end up wasting years of your life stuck in the same place because you did not want to take the actions necessary.
People don’t respect those who do nothing to change their circumstances and are always complaining. This could be with your relationships, education, finances, career and health.
If you constantly put yourself, your goals and your feelings last, you teach others to do the same to you.
Self-sacrificing yourself for others is for the birds, sort your life out first, take care of yourself first and then do the same for others if you want to. Putting yourself last is detrimental to you in the long run.
What you allow is what will continue:
If you decide you won’t accept something in the beginning, someone is unlikely to have the audacity to offer it to you in the future. You can create the narrative of how you want to be treated.
Blaming others for your shortcomings will never help you succeed:
Take accountability for your actions.
If you want to live a life full of frustration and regret then live for your parents:
Full post ‘Stop living for your parents’: https://www.apieceofsarah.com/2019/05/27/stop-living-for-your-parents/
Whatever belongs to me will have no issue finding me and will not have to be chased to be kept:
There’s been times in my life where I haven’t gotten something I wanted and then, a few weeks, months or even years later I’m shown why I did not get them. Literally every single time I’m shown why I didn’t get those things, I say ‘thank you God’ because those things were not meant for me. Rejection is protection and can redirect you to better things. However, this does not apply to everything as some opportunities we have to work hard for and chase.
Your self esteem is yours to control and enhance, if something or someone is belittling you, get away from them.
If someone you know is making you feel insecure, get away from them. If you feel insecure about someone online, then block them, your feelings about yourself have nothing to do with them. Get a grip and stop blaming people who don’t know you exist.
Keep your standards high:
People may not understand your standards and may try to convince you to let your standards slip but don’t let them. When you have high standards and someone is trying to convince you to let them slip, ask yourself ‘why does this person care so much about my standards, what do they gain from me letting them slip and what do I gain from letting them slip’. You set those standards for a reason, never forget, high standards can protect you from bad situations.
Guard your dreams with your life:
Your dreams are your vision and they belong to you. Be weary of sharing them unnecessarily to avoid people projecting their fears unto you, people can’t see a vision that was only meant for you . Also stand firm in your dreams, don’t let people or your self-doubt derail them.
Prevention is better than cure:
If a bad situation can be avoided, then take the steps to avoid it. You don’t have to go through things to learn from them. You can easily learn from other people’s mistakes and from their past experiences.
Don’t wait for others to be ready to travel, fly solo:
I’ve been on three solo trips so far, Copenhagen, Seville and Dubai. Travel enriches your soul, if you wait for your friends to join you, you’ll be waiting forever with an unstamped passport.
Self love is the best love:
Self-love, to me, is making my happiness and well-being a priority whilst learning to love my strengths and flaws. It’s taking the time to rest and recover to prevent burning out. It’s making the conscious decision to commit to being the best possible person I can be, saying no to mediocrity, negative self-talk and remembering I deserve the love I give so freely to others.
Over the years I’ve learnt it’s important to love myself first, without conditions attached and to not use the love of third parties to sustain me because I’m the only constant factor in my life and the love I have for myself is more important than the love other people can give me. Full post ‘Is self love the best love?: https://www.apieceofsarah.com/2019/08/23/is-self-love-the-best-love/
Sometimes you’re in the wrong and can hurt other peoples’ feelings, apologise without being forced to.
Lessons in Love and Friendships
Some people will set you on fire to keep themselves warm, if you recognise the red flags, you can stop yourself from getting burnt: Don’t ignore red flags because you don’t want to accept someone for who they are. Acting on red flags will save you a lifetime of stress and getting hurt.
Don’t make life changing decisions based on temporary feelings, especially in relationships:
Relationships and friendships end, sometimes unexpectedly and sometimes you can prepare for it, don’t jeopardise your future for them.
People may respect you more when your less available:
Constant availability can lead to disrespect and being unappreciated.
One of the best ways to predict someone’s future behaviour is by looking at their past:
In relationships, if a man has treated the women of his past badly, don’t let your ego trick you into thinking he’s going to treat you better because you will get the shock of your life when/if he treats you the same. We see this in the rap community a lot, ’22F dates 23M Rapper who has several kids by different women, 22F then gets pregnant by rapper and cries to Instagram that he’s treating her badly and not doing right by their kid.’ When common sense should have told her to avoid him because he doesn’t know how to keep a relationship and is trying to create a football team with his sperm. I don’t support deadbeat parents, all parents should look after their kid(s) but some situations can be avoided.
In friendships, if a woman is always involved in drama and falling out with her so-called friends, why would you also be friends with her?
Run from all forms of dysfunction because prevention is better than cure.
Be weary of those who advise you to do something but then do the opposite for themselves:
If someone is advising you to do something which they would not do, then be weary of that advice.
Friendships are so important, if your friend isn’t reliable, trustworthy or kind then why are you friends with them?
You only have one body, mind and soul, treat them well:
Exercise regularly even if it’s a walk to the park, read some books and take up peaceful hobbies like painting and yoga.
You can’t save everyone and stop making it your job to – no one asked.
Be secure within yourself before you jump into a relationship:
Relationships are wonderful when healthy, I don’t think it’s wise to jump into one if you’re insecure, lonely or broken inside.
You don’t need to be married at 25.
Know when to say ‘yes’ and know when to say ‘no.’
Lessons in my career and professional development
Keep everything in writing:
Women lie, men lie, emails don’t lie.
Bow out of bad situations gracefully:
Sometimes people don’t deserve our anger and a reaction, sometimes it’s better to leave things how they are and act with grace. Other times it’s important not to burn bridges even if it’s tempting, especially in a professional setting. Is having the last word really worth it? What if you burn the only bridge available to you in the future?
Stay focused and plan your time well.
Some of your ideas are signs from God, write them down and follow up on them.
Social media can either teach you or take your time, you decide how to consume it:
Take breaks and block people when necessary. Do you need to engage with everything you see? No.
Lessons in managing my finances:
Capitalism isn’t going anywhere, get your money up.
Retail therapy will not bring you the joy you think it will.
Invest in shares as early as possible*:
Trading212: trading212.com/invite/Fg7kDaKtand and get a free share!
FreeTrade: https://magic.freetrade.io/join/sarah/db45be31 and get a free share worth £3-£200.
*Investments can go up or down, don’t invest what you cannot afford to lose, I am not a financial advisor and this does not constitute as financial advice. I think it’s important for everyone to get into investing. Trading212 and FreeTrade are free platforms and you can start investing with £1.
Don’t be a guarantor for anyone:
I mean it, boyfriends, links, parents, friends, siblings, family members, pastors, your dog, I do not care, do not guarantor a loan for anyone, do not take out anything on finance for anyone, their sob story is irrelevant and your ‘love’ for them is irrelevant. Unless you want to pay that loan yourself or ruin your credit rating, I suggest you don’t. As I said earlier, people will set you on fire to keep themselves warm, that includes your finances.